In February I was in Ebonyi State to train some lecturers at the Ebonyi State University on the United Nations 21st Century Facilitation methods for Communicators.It was a 2 day intensive training.A very exhaustive class.After one of those days, I returned to my hotel to rest and prepare for another session when I received a call.
“Hello”, my voice dulled in response.I was tired.I had been speaking for over 3 hours and needed at least a 30 minute rest.
“It is me, Chioma.”, the voice at the other end said.
“Chioma?”I asked.” Plese Chioma who?”
“Yeah, Chioma Nnamdi.Chioma of Revival Fellowship.Chioma of University of Uyo.I used to date one Daniel Bassey on campus.Remember? I have been following your posts on Facebook.You are doing a great work.” She answered.
Somehow, I remembered and forced myself to seat up.”Yeah, Chioma. I think I remember you.How is Daniel? Are you guys married now?”
There was a pause.Then an emotion soaked voice responded, “No…we broke up last week.”
“Broke up? Like for real or for one of those stunts?”
“George, it is for real.He just suddenly told me that he had gone for introduction for another lady, that he was sorry and that he wished me the best.He said that God told him that we were not supposed to be husband and wife , and that he did not know how to tell me.So he had to meet this lady whom he was sure was his wife and start a relationship.He said that their parents had met and preparations for marriage was on the move.”
“What!” I exclaimed. “After, 10 years? I don’t believe this. What happened.Please can you give me his number?That marriage has to be opposed. He cannot just wake up one morning and make such decision.Please give me his number.”
Chioma said silently with a confidence that was previously not there. “I won’t. And please don’t bother to reach out to him. Such is life.I just called to say that I have been reading your stuff on Facebook and that you are doing a great work.”
I was still stunned. I didn’t know what to say to her, and come to think about it this Daniel was my friend from way back.Why would he do such a thing? Why would he waste such a lady’s time? That lady had given him everything: her time, her youth, her emotions, and yes her body. Yes it was no marriage, but 99 percent close to marriage. What would you say when a lady cooks for you, washes your clothes, gives you sex, rents a house for you, believes in your singing ministry and waits for you?What would you call that?
Daniel and I shared the same room during our university days in 2004.I remember that relationship from back them. They were the envy of everyone. It seemed nothing under heaven could break them.
Daniel used to sing in the fellowship that we both went.And O he could sing! She could sing too! So most times she backed him up.This two walked everywhere together. They went to minister together.Even after campus days, I heard she went for service and still came back to him.She got a low paying job but was still committed to him. Daniel didn’t have a job.
There was a time during those days when one fellowship pastor was after Chioma. Daniel fought tooth and nail to sabotage that possibility. He even challenged the fellowship pastor publicly. In 2010, I heard that man of God got married to a friend of Chioma.
And now in 2013, almost 10 years, this so called anointed singing brother was a taking a walk….and no,not just taking a walk, marrying someone else!
That was devilish.
Look, personally I believe that all those long relationships are a sheer waste of time. If you are in one,I suggest that you move on. A man who wants to marry you will do everything in his power to do it quickly.
Men waste time with women because they get free sex.Free money.Free YOU.That is the bitter truth. I have seen poor folks do the impossible , get married to the girl of their dreams because sex was ‘stayed’ from the relationship. The sex drive moved the young man to move and make the wedding happen. When we move, providence moves too.
Is it possible for campus relationships to result in marriage? Yes, I can testify of a few…but the percentage is still very infinitesimal.
As young people our values are different.Our values are simple and youngish; but as we grow older and see responsibilities ahead of us we see things differently. Our taste change. Our choices also change. Most campus relationships don’t survive through.The ones that do are from sheer determination.
Now 31, Chioma seems hopeless.The other day, I was on my knees praying when Chioma came to my mind.I had to pray for her. She had devoted 10 years of her youthful time hoping on Daniel.
Are you doing that? Young woman, you can walk away today.And yes start all over again.